Thursday, April 8, 2010
Mustach March Results
Well Mustach March has come and gone and scarred a few souls in the process. Some have learned that folicle freedom is a ability to be cherished, while others have learned or been told by friends and family that they should never try to attempt such a feat again.
We raised $60 and collected 41 food items weighing in at 46 pounds totals from entry fees and voting donations. This is all being donated to the Athens County Food Pantry.
Here is a recap of the divisions:
Best of Show: The name basically sums it up. This award is reserved for the most spectacular specimen produced over the course of the month. This is utterly subjective to the judge's personal opinion, no matter how revealing that may be.
Most Disturbing: When you look at this mustache, goosebumps will appear in places you didn't know you had follicles. If you saw a layman on the street with this mustache, you'd warn other peoples children about this man.
Most Fitting: Sometimes the stars align and a man becomes something... more, with a mustache. This award is given to the mustache that makes a man greater than the sum of his otherwise wholly inadequate parts.
Dirtlip Award: The little follicles that couldn't. The recipient of this award can only take solace in the fact that this is all for charity.
Pre-Existing Condition Class: This is an wholly separate class reserved for the few, proud men who choose to wear a mustache every day of their glorious lives. Members of this class are not required to shave their existing mustaches on March 1st, but they are subject to rule #2 listed above. There is only one award for this class, and members of this class are not eligible for any other award categories. Members of this class are encouraged to go for "trick" points as their thick, luxurious, upper-lip base has long been established.
Fakie: Mustache March is all about equal opportunity humiliation. This Award is for the Ladies. Buy or make your best follicle creation and wear it loud and proud on April 1st during the main event for live judging. No animals may be harmed in the creation of your test piece!
And here were the Rules:
Mustache March Rules:
1. All registered participants must be clean-shaven on March 1st, unless they are competing in the pre-existing condition class.
2. Facial hair of any variety is allowed until March 15th, after which point only a mustache is allowed. A mustache is defined as an island of hair that is at least 1cm (root to root) from the nearest body of facial hair. A mustache is an island. Get it? No isthmuses or peninsulas allowed.
3. Registered participants who shave off their mustache prior to judging, or those who refuse to obey to the "island" rule after March 15th are disqualified.
4. Participants will be subjected to a minimum of 2 photographs (before and after) during the course of Mustache March for documentation/humiliation purposes. Additional photography will be solicited. It is highly recommended that you comply to this solicitation for humiliation purposes.
5. Members wishing to compete for the Fakie Award must be present on April 1st at 4pm.
And the Results:
"Best of Show" went to the Student Center own Nate Perez with fine showing of follicle dominance.
"Most Fitting" went to Dan Yancey with a look that could start a revolution, a Mustache Revolution.
"Most Disturbing" was a tie. Believe it or not there were two individuals in this competition that should have not have been allowed to participate. Not because they couldn't grow a stache, but because there attempts at "Stachation" were so traumatic to the general public we have decide to have our legal department draft a contact. Contract states that, these two individuals will never attempt to abuse their upper lip again. Oh, by the way these two are Ian Brown and Joey Stansfield.
"Dirt Lip" went to Justin Snyder with the little follicles that just couldn't. We have encouraged him to train hard in the off season and come back next year.
"Pre - Existing" went to David Breland. It must be known that this field was very limited, we would love to see more Mustache displayed in this category next season. Because these are the individuals who truly challenge social norms and wear their Staches like a badge of honor.
"Fakie" We were very disapointed that no one showed up with a fake display of upper lip hair.
Lastly we would like to give a shout out of thanks to all 30+ individuals that competed in Mustach March and helped the Athens County Food Pantry.
Until next year, let follicle freedom ring.
Photos from the Finale can be found one our Facebook page along with photos from throughout the competition.